November 2017 Our Relationship Is Threatened By His Spoilt Daughters & My Ex Husband;s Affair With My Best Friend
Our relationship is threatened by his spoilt daughters
Dear Dr Jane
I have a problem with my partner’s twin 13-year-old daughters. From the beginning they were stand-offish, snappy and rude. I soon realised that they are overindulged by their parents and grandparents, and is used to getting their own way. They live with their mother. My partner of five years agrees they are spoilt but I have never heard him discipline them. I have tried doing girlie things with them, but they make it clear once my money is spent they are not interested. They are getting increasingly arrogant and takes pleasure in putting me down. My partner and I hope to move in together but I don’t know if I can bear to see more of them.
Unless your relationship with them improves, moving in together sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Try to separate out how you feel about them from their behaviour – you may even learn to tolerate them better, if not actually like them to begin with. Indulgent families who lack of boundaries has not helped them, especially so if they ramped up the indulgence to deal with the parents’ separation. Parents resist imposing discipline as they fear it may spoil their relationship with their child. Their father needs to do some gentle but consistent disciplining. If he condones their bad behaviour, that will alienate you. And explain to him that your love for him and want for a future together will be damaged if boundaries are not properly put in place.
My Ex Husband;s Affair With My Best Friend
Dear Dr. Jane
A few years ago I had what I thought was a happy life, I had a good marriage, plenty of friends a couple of children, and generally enjoyed life. Two years ago, my husband out of the blue announced that he was leaving me and the children, it would seem that he had been sleeping with my so called best friend for a large part of our marriage and moved in with her. I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. I fell into a dark hole, which through supportive family and genuine friends I feel that I’m just getting out of. But the problem is I can’t bear to see the both of them, which from time to time I have to, the children’s birthdays, etc. which he always insists on bringing her along to.
You are not alone. Most people mind very much if their ex gets together with a close friend, especially so as it they had been conducting a full affair behind your back. You not only feel betrayed by him, but perhaps even more so by her. This is because you shared many experiences with her such as social events, each other’s children. You probably talked about the ups and downs of married life. The thought that this friend is now sharing your husband’s life and bed feels like a massive betrayal. Keep climbing out of your dark place, you have really good people in your life that share your disappointment and pain, but they are there for you. It’s likely that she’s going to be a part of your children’s father’s life for some time yet. and maybe thinking and calling him that rather than you ex husband will give you some much needed mental and emotional distance from him. Keep you dignity when they are around, because if your children can grow up knowing that their mum, who did not leave them can hold her head up high you will be giving them a good life lesson that in life things don not always go according to plan, but you can manage and come out of it ok.