July 2017: My Pervert Neighbour Is Spying On Me & Nosey & Bullying Acquaintance

My Pervy Neighbour Is Spying On Me

 

Dear Dr. Jane

During this hot spell I sunbathed in our back garden in my swimming costume. I noticed that our married male neighbour, who works from home, was always watching me through his binoculars from his bedroom window. He has now started sending me explicit text messages. 

He told me I was very attractive compared to his wife and how much he wants to see me topless. He also suggested coming round to rub suntan lotion all over my body. I don’t know what to do. He and his wife are friends of ours. Should I tell my husband or say something to his wife? I don’t want to mess up my marriage and start some neighbour feud.

Maxine

Dear Maxine,

At this time do not tell your husband or his wife, tackle him directly, but make it crystal clear that if anything further happens you will be  informing your husband, his wife and the police.  If you feel that talking to him face to face would be awkward send him a text, letter or email.

Leave him in no doubt that his behaviour is unacceptable and illegal, keep it clear and straightforward and he will get the message.  In the meantime it will do you no harm to have a chat with your local police and ask what to do if this behaviour continued. I suspect that once he gets your strong message he will cease, but forearmed is forewarned and remember if the worst comes to the worst, you didn’t start anything he did.

Best wishes,

Dr. Jane x

Nosey & Bullying Acquaintance.

Dear Dr. Jane,

I’m in my 40’s and have recently split up with my long-term partner. Getting over that breakup is bad enough, but the problem is that there is a woman in my social group who constantly wants to know all the details of our break-up. She’s even started contacting me on social media to ask.  I’ve made it clear that it’s no-one’s business but mine.  She likes to show off that she has just got back with her ex and her behaviour is getting worse towards me.  I now dread going anywhere with my friends in case she turns up.

Miranda

Dear Miranda,

People like this woman literally feed off the perceived or real misery of others and finding a target – you – to feed off, she’s going to be reluctant to let the situation go.  The best form of defence is to demonstrate to her, that you are not dwelling in a pit of misery. What you actually feel about your break up is your business and yes a few trusted friends can know both about your break up and what’s she been up to so that when you are with them and she appears they can support you. If you do meet her when out, chat very briefly about a neutral topic, then join your friends and have a good time.

She will soon get bored of your lack of response and move on to mixing things up for someone else, people like her have a lack of insight for others and are unlikely to change.  So do not waste your energy or any further thought on her.  Ultimately she will constantly alienate people in her life and not really care about the implications.

Warmest wishes,

Dr. Jane x